When a weight is lifted.

There are many times in life when we convince ourselves that we are good. We also work hard to convince others by justifying or defending our state of goodness, because clearly, they need help understanding.

Often those closest to us can see what we cannot. Not always, but often. Yet we resist, fight, and pull back.

Recently, I experienced this. My heart and soul held on to something that hadn’t been good for seven years – but I was good.

Something tells me that you already skipped to the moral of the story. I wasn’t good.

When we stay in situations or relationships that aren’t good for us, we suffer. We may not realize it, but those less than scenarios leave us depleted. The mental landscape covered, and the emotional energy expended are exhausting. We may think we are fine, but we’re far from it.

Sometimes, we need to step back and honestly evaluate why we stay where we don’t belong. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, or a habit. Why? What keeps us connected? If we are hurting from any of those, why do we continue?

Often, when we examine our reasons, we will find that we are holding on to nothing more than a false sense of security. We are wrought with fear and anxiety, whether founded or not, afraid of letting go of what may bring us more pain, than joy.

Listen to your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, if it doesn’t sit well with you, it’s most likely not right for you. And sometimes, whether people own up to it or not, we need to ween ourselves off a person or habit like a drug. It may take time – it may take years, but you’ll detach. And when you do – it’s an incredible feeling, even if the first days find you feeling off and somewhat melancholic. That’s to be expected.

Then, one day, you will awake and feel good. You’ll realize that the one thing that was consuming you mentally, emotionally, spiritually and as a result, physically, is fading into your past.

A weight is lifted. A sense of holistic freedom fills your very being – a sound mind, a happy heart and a peaceful soul. The world is yours to devour.



When you keep beating your head against the wall, look in the mirror.

There’s a great meme floating around social media that reads: “When you persist in being bothered by someone who refuses to change, you also refuse to change – truth be told.” 

Who can relate?

What a simple, yet poignant, statement.

People show us who they are. People reveal themselves through their actions, not their words. People may invest the bare minimum in a relationship, akin to making sure one has some balance in a bank account, so it doesn’t close, but rarely give more.

Yet we fight it. Whether we are delusional or want to believe the best, we keep trying to make some relationships work. We long for more than we will ever get. And we hope and pray old patterns will change – yet they never do. We fight the inevitable and it’s not a battle with the other person. It’s a battle with ourselves.  Continue reading “When you keep beating your head against the wall, look in the mirror.”

Love Detox 101 – For all those struggling to let go. It’s not easy.

Break-ups require a 12-step program, I’m convinced of that.

May I re-phrase?

Break-ups with those you truly loved from the soul. Not a casual dalliance or a superficial connection, whoever chooses such options. But a committed, vulnerable and willing connection with whom you’ve parted.

It’s damned awful. Right?! We all pretend we’re ok – and in reality, we are if we step back and take control of our emotions. We’re stronger than we think. But it is painful, uncomfortable and miserable – truth be told. Continue reading “Love Detox 101 – For all those struggling to let go. It’s not easy.”

Your daily thought, point to ponder and soulful reflection.

Daily thought: As sad as it may be, sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain people we called friends – are friends no more.

Point to ponder: Though we never give up on friends, sometimes we need to step away. Sometimes we need to evaluate if someone is still a friend – that person we could see in five years, despite no communication, and still feel close to and share a connection, as if no time had passed. Or, if we are holding on to something that has long since died, not publicly declaring an ending.

Soulful reflection: I have both. Friends I know are friends no more, and friends that I would call tomorrow, despite how much time has passed, who I trust would be there in a heartbeat.

But how long do we ‘friend’ people who don’t reciprocate our friendship? How many years do we put forth love, kindness and care – when they don’t return it?

Know when to say when. Frankly, I’m in that stage of life when I’m packing carefully who is growing with me through the years, and who I am leaving behind.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ll still be there for you, no matter what, no matter what time of day or night. Even though that may mean nothing to you after your needs are met. I’ve experienced that one too many times, but as my mother reminded me tonight, I can feel proud in my friendship status and offerings. I’ve been a friend, even when many have not. Maybe they don’t have it to give. That’s ok.

But don’t be surprised when I fade into the sunset in the future. When the birthday card and wishes or text messages stop. I’m tired. And I’m moving on from you. The you who isn’t present in my life.

What does friendship mean to you?

When you miss the one you love – even though it’s over.

Fiery love and torturous break-ups, tumultuous ups and downs, stops and starts. Lonely days and nights filled with nothing but endless heartache and longing. Angry periods filled with rage, hurt and venom.

These stories resonate with many, me included at one time. I sought out such articles and eagerly absorbed each word. I wrote such articles, my heart bleeding onto the screen with each keystroke, another tear falling from my eye.

Over time, the tears dried up and the acute heartbreak that once consumed me, became a dull ache that flared here and there. The severity of my symptoms would depend on the memory, the current state of mind and how volatile my mood. Many of these times could be analogized with a yo-yo, winding up tight, then slowly releasing. Continue reading “When you miss the one you love – even though it’s over.”