From the Desk of Pennwell Gray

As I exited a Boston hospital this evening, cold air hitting my face, I inhaled deeply as I walked to the valet at a hurried pace.

I submitted fully to the moment, reflecting upon how incredible it felt to breathe in the winter night, my lungs ecpanding, filled with the fresh, crisp air, then slowly and deliberately exhaling the pain, sadness, and confinement an ICU mandates.

Having stood aside my aunt, overheard the calls for help in the next ICU bed, and observed multiple monitors, the fresh air reminded me of how fortunate a majority of us are to breathe it in.

Buckled in the car, hitting the road, I was rapidly reminded of how crazy drivers are on the road. No directionals, no courtesy for fellow drivers, and road rage at an all-time high. This was definitely heightened by the holiday frenzy!

As I navigated the highways, I found myself angry that people are so ugly.

Why not slow down. Let another driver into the lane. Use a directional. Maybe think of all those fighting for their lives tonight.

As you’re speeding along for whatever reason, there are floors full of people in local hospitals clinging to life. Tubes, medicines, and monitors. The flutter of an eye, grip of a hand, change in breathing. The hope that something will change – and this person will make it. Hospital staff who haven’t seen the outside of an ICU in daylight for 72 or more hours.

What could be more important than this?

For those fighting for their lives tonight. We see you. We are here for you. We love you.

Please pray for my aunt. Please pray for my father. Please pray for all of those who need prayers.

And please keep me strong enough to pour energy and hope into those who need it.

This week found me at a new doctor and as I was ushered into the exam room, I was told that the nurse practitioner would be in shortly.

When the door opened and a young lady stepped over the threshold, I stood to greet her, extending my hand – yes, the once commonplace handshake that COVID interrupted. For some, that gesture which complements an introduction may never happen again. It’s often replaced with a fist bump, an elbow bump or a puzzled expression that asks, ‘do you really expect me to touch you?’

As I extended my hand and the lady in scrubs lightly shook it, she stated with a raised eyebrow that she was not the nurse and ‘just’ the medical assistant. The look on her face was one of surprise, and her comment to me implied that she didn’t feel important or worthy. It insinuated that she may have felt that she didn’t deserve such a personal, or professional, greeting.

Shaking her hand I replied, ‘yes, and it’s nice to meet you.’ As I answered her flurry of questions during intake, I couldn’t help but reflect upon how sad it was that this young woman didn’t feel her role on the healthcare team was important. That she may have felt that she didn’t deserve the same respect or recognition as a full-fledged nurse or doctor.

How sad. I wondered how many people treat her less than or barely acknowledge her at all. Her job is important. If it wasn’t, it wouldn’t exist. And she deserves respect simply because she is a human being, a professional, and a person interacting with another person. Civility. Courtesy. Consideration. Simple gestures that mean so much.

I am a realist and fully aware that there are countless people in this world who treat others accordingly – in their minds – based on their education level, social status, or financial means. In a culture that boasts inclusivity and diversity, there is still an undercurrent of superficiality and pretentiousness. An entitlement or privilege. An expectation that they should be served, that they are ‘better than.’

When you greet someone properly, such acknowledgment can smooth relations, enhance communications, and increase the chances for a positive overall experience.

How do you treat others? Do you have any biases? Do you hold some professions in high esteem while looking down upon others?

Rise when someone walks into a room. Extend your hand. And sincerely let that person know you’re glad to meet him or her.

Everyone deserves respect and recognition.

Today we honor and celebrate the Cold Moon, the final Super Moon of 2025. It peaked at 6:14 pm ET and how lucky we were to experience its brilliant illumination in between blustering snow squalls.

Winter lights a fire in my soul, igniting joy and inspiring creativity. I love the beauty of fresh snow and the uniqueness of each flake that falls. I love breathing in the cold, clean air scented with smoke from neighboring wood stoves. I love the sound of animals plodding their way through the iced conservation land that borders my home late at night, and the hoot of a barred or snowy owl perched in a tree.

Combine all of this with a bright moon, twinkling stars, and a moody sky and I simply cannot get enough. The time of year doesn’t matter when it comes to lunar cycles – each is special, and significant to me. Whether it be the black moon on a summer eve when some night critters chatter loudly with minimal fear of being seen by predators, a new moon when we set intentions and start anew, or a full moon like tonight when we let go of what no longer serves us – there is an extraordinary kind of magic and enchantment.

Tonight’s full moon is spectacular. If you’re sensitive to lunar cycles, you’ll relate. But if you’re not sure, you may actually feel it if you pay close attention. Are you unusually anxious or emotional? Happy or serene?Are you off kilter in some way, yet can’t put your finger on it? Before you smirk and shirk at this, take a moment and reflect. It’s not witchy – it’s in the Farmer’s Almanac.

Water is estimated to make-up 60-70% of the human body. There is no substantial proof that the moon pulls on our bodies, however, it does affect ocean tides thus most likely impacts us as well. I believe it does.

So tonight, after the peak illumination, I was compelled to grab my gloves and head outside for an invigorating walk under the moonlit sky. With all the madness that is going on in our world along with accumulative responsibilities and stressors happening in my own life, I craved nothing more than to clear my mind and move my body on this picture perfect night. The reality that tonight’s temps will drop to 3 degrees hit hard and turned me around sooner than I anticipated, yet my spontaneous push outside was just what my soul needed.

May you all make the time to experience the magic of moonlight.

There are times in our lives that are heavy. We are called to shoulder weight that we may not feel strong enough to carry, yet we rally and we make it happen, every day.

I was called out this week for not regularly posting on this blog or writing more than my monthly submission to a local paper. The question was with all that’s happening in my life right now, why wasn’t I expressing it and sharing it with others through the written word.

It is true that pure emotion usually results in great writing. When one is falling in or out of love. When fury kicks in and rage pours onto the page. When feelings are heightened to a state of euphoria or madness. Yes, I have been there yet these days, I don’t feel much at all. It is merely a constant push with little time to mentally process all that’s happening or reflect upon what I’m feeling because life is heavy – and carrying it well has resulted in a wash of productivity veiled in exhaustion and numbness.

Yet today, running an errand, a cardinal passed me by. That cardinal sat on a branch and looked my way. I couldn’t help but be reminded of the symbolism cardinals have, wondering if a deceased loved one could be paying me a visit. If you’re spiritual like me, you’re nodding right now.

That cardinal grounded me, reminding me to breathe and be present in that moment. It refreshed my spirit, and I drew strength from it’s presence. As I looked through the trees, many now barren of leaves, I could see things I hadn’t before – a reminder of what the approaching winter months can offer us: the opportunity to pause, reflect, and savor the season. A reminder that no matter what life throws our way, we can endure.

No matter how heavy life can get, seek moments of wonder. And if you can’t find them, they may often find you.

I’ll be writing again soon but for now: a daily thought, a point to ponder, and a soulful reflection to close a long day and sleepless night.

Noone prepares us for life, no matter how much training we think we have. One of my favorite lines from a book, “The Secret Life of Bees,” is “we never know who we’ll be when life gets through with us.” That couldn’t be closer to the truth – it is the truth! Continue reading “The Circle of Life.”

Those who know me know that I watch 9/11 documentaries and recaps in early September, the days leading up to that horrific day – only offset by my father’s birthday. My annual commitment is not intended to be morbid or dwell in sadness. My intention is to never forget – to relive those moments, hours, and days followed by a time when we as Americans were united by the shocking and devastating acts of terrorism.

People were not killed – they were murdered. Many of those who survived suffered post-9/11 cancer, chronic illness, and PTSD that most likely continues to impact their days and nights – and may never end. 

Firefighters walked into those buildings to rescue as many as they could, acutely aware that they may never walk back out. Some of them I, and my family, knew personally. I’m sure you remember the people flooding the streets who were fleeing debris flying from the collapsing towers. Those people on each floor, some evacuating while others never even had the chance. Chaos, confusion, fear. Hope, anguish, faith. Shock, questions, prayer.

Will any of us ever forget where we were that day? Will we ever forget the emotions that overcame us, the feelings that arose? Will we ever forget fear, terror, the unknown? 

I won’t. Never – ever, ever, will I forget. 

Yet today I live in a country filled with people who defend criminals, condone terrorists, and invites unvetted illegals into our country. Many support those who hate us, foolishly believing that love, kindness, and a lack of boundaries will stop the most evil, ugly, and hateful people in our world – like terrorists, who want to obliterate us from this earth – and who are dangerously close to achieving their goal. Not necessarily through heinous acts of violence, but through subtle and incessant brainwashing, academic infiltration, and uninformed group thought. I’ve learned that when you ask those people why they defend what they defend, why they pity who they pity, they haven’t a clue. There are no reasons, but lame excuses, even those they struggle to put into words. I’ve met sympathizers who can’t explain why they sympathize, their explanations falling short – and that’s unnerving.

Hate has no place in our country. Whether this be political, racial, ethnic, religious, sex, or any other kind of hate – it has no place. 

Want equality? Eliminate race, sex, gender, ethnicity, etc., from job or any other applications. We want qualified applicants, not those who fulfill a quota. Each of us can succeed in our country – it’s called ‘opportunity.’

Please take care of our veterans and the homeless on the streets within our own country before illegals infiltrating our country. When did nationalism and pride in our country become a black mark against our citizens who defend and aim to protect the USA? 

Allow for any type of faith – all religions and spiritualities, appreciating that there is some truth to each one and we all have the same goal in the end. There is much to learn from each other, and how lovely it would be if we were open to this. There is no one religion – and my God loves all, as does Hecate and Buddha. Open your mind to learn, understand, then choose accordingly. Spirituality can encompass an array of philosophies. Don’t limit yourself.

Lastly, aim to outcast the extremists in political parties – and educate those who are reasonable. Over the past couple of years, I chose to support local political groups with the aim of making a difference, participating with my right leaning folks, only to learn that (1) many blow whichever way the wind blows or (2) many are so fixed that bending wouldn’t even be considered. Please don’t misinterpret me – there are many sincere politicians with integrity as well as the character we would want in our leaders, but too many others lose sight of why they are in office and it becomes about them. I’m considering reclaiming my independence. Just look at – Senator Fetterman who is a person to be respected. He’s not about sides, but truth – a person I can relate to and a reason for craving my impartiality so as not to lose sight of my truths.

And never forget all of those murdered on 9/11 and the years to follow – cancer, chronic illness, PTSD – those who are certainly rolling over in their graves when they see the absurdity of what is happening today.

“How could you have forgotten,” I’m sure they ask. 

So do I – NEVER FORGET. 

I couldn’t help but notice that the tree frogs and insects were loud tonight – very loud. At this stage in my life, I would rather sit and listen to them than turn on a television or even tune in to music.

As a moon enthusiast, and one who takes seriously the lunar cycles, curiosity inspired me to research this. Come to find out it is true that they are louder during a black, or new, moon – tonight features both. Because the darkness keeps them hidden from predators, like bats, owls, and snakes, this time is better for mating. The reduced visibility is a camouflage that allows the males to call more safely – and boy do they have a lot to say. Quite frankly, at this hour, I’m feeling bad for all the guys who obviously haven’t found their mate! Join the club, my friends.

A black moon is the third new moon in the summer season and it is rare, occurring approximately every 33 years. It is a perfect time for stargazing and of course, listening to those boisterous frogs and bugs seeking mates.

What was both fascinating and disturbing tonight, was my dog Vivienne’s behavior. Something spooked her in the kitchen, and she had to be coaxed back with time. She was clingy, had frightful eyes, and was sniffing excessively. She was looking to the sky, and the floor, then back at me with a look filled with anxiety. My heart broke because I wasn’t able to console her. She was quite unsettled until I lay in the bed with her and tucked her closely in. If the black moon brings spirits into the home, I’m not sure we’ve opened the door to positive ones – but one can hope!

How did the black moon impact you? Did you pick up on anything unusual today? Did you set intentions, releasing what no longer serves you and inviting in what will? Or was it just another day?

I encourage you to dive deeper. Reflect upon the day. Bring to mind oddities that you thought nothing of – but now may. When we tap into the universe, it can unveil a myriad of answers.

So tonight may you embrace new beginning’s, and trust life’s process.

Many will read that title and instantly go into defensive mode.

“We must rock the boat to make a difference,” – fair point. “We must protest,” – to each his or her own. “We must cut off from anyone who doesn’t agree with my politics,” – say what?!

Continue reading “Peace. Not Politics.”

As work wrapped up and the skies darkened, I muttered aloud if we were expecting a thunderstorm. No sooner did those words leave my lips when a low rumble of thunder came from above, as if Mother Nature started to move her furniture around.

I checked the forecast and sure enough severe weather alerts were flooding social media channels and news apps. Consciously, I shutdown for the day and prepared for the storm which consisted of one large aromatic candle, opening the deck door ahead of the rain, and plopping down in my favorite chair to unwind with my little dog.

Continue reading “Find Your Calm in Any Storm.”

In the words of one of my favorites, Katherine Hepburn: “Life’s hard. After all, it kills you.” How right she is!

Life is hard. It’s fraught with disappointments. People can be cruel, sometimes hurting us without even realizing that they are, while others are fully aware of their intentions. Work can be stressful, no matter what your profession. Family rarely mirrors ‘Leave It To Beaver.’ We can become so busy that we find ourselves going through the motions of life, yet not actually ‘living.’

We think it’s a sign of strength and valor to push through, rather than step back, because what we may need most is to make time to stop – to check-in with ourselves, tap into what’s working and what’s not, then find ways to resolve and course correct to continue on.

Continue reading “Hold please while I find my zen.”