Daily thoughts – From the Desk of Pennwell Gray

Hello Autumn!

I admit it. The cooler air makes me giddy. Hay and farms make me happy. And the thought of the holiday season fast approaching makes my heart skip a beat – because it’s when people feel more, appreciate more, and be who they could be all year long.

Maybe it’s because I’m a November baby. Maybe because I’m born under the zodiac sign of Scorpio, ruled by the planet Pluto that governs both destruction and transformation – I choose the latter and it certainly is the headline for my existence. Scorpio energy is known to be mystical and mysterious. We are either loved or hated by others, there doesn’t seem to be much of an in between. But we were born between October 23 and November 21, two of my favorite months.

But really it’s my love for both the cool and the cold temperatures, cherishing the seasons right through April or there around. It’s sweatshirts, bright sunshine, and hot cider. It’s pumpkin everything. It’s wood stoves and fireplaces, leaves falling from the trees and rustling under our feet or blowing in the wind. It’s a time when the moon seems more illuminated, the sky darker. Nights are longer, days shorter. Blankets, Irish bread, and tea. How I could go on,

Even if you shed tears when summer draws to a close, let yourself be transformed this season. Find small ways to appreciate the fall – and remember all that you will be able to see now that the leaves will fall from the trees – literally, and metaphorically. Think back, look forward, and remember to enjoy the gift that is our present.

Oh, I love a rainy night.

And I’m not talking about the song by Eddie Rabbit, though I do love that, too, and it brings back fond memories of someone who was once very dear to me.

I am talking about truly loving a rainy night, along with a rainy morning and rainy day – especially in the fall, when cool temperatures arrive and the kettle is on the boil, possibly with some whiskey in the tea.

Maybe I am a product of my ancestors, my Celtic roots, from Killarney, Ireland to Aberdeen, Scotland. Maybe it’s the writer in me, finding inspiration in the melody of orchestrated raindrops or claps of thunder brightened with flashes of lightning.

Rain is what it is and I realize that it sours many an event. But we can make the most of it, should we choose to find the beauty in it.

For me, rain is solace. It is also inspirational, soothing, and downright pleasurable. Rain provokes feelings of peace and calm.

So tonight, as the rain falls if it’s falling where you are, sit back, close your eyes and listen. Let the sound wash over you. Let your body relax, your mind wander, and your soul release. Inhale the dew, exhale your worries. Be still every part of you.

We can hate rainy days, or find inspiration and comfort in between raindrops. I encourage you to choose the latter.

The ‘ber months – finally!

While many shed tears as summer fades into the sunset of shorter days and longer nights, there are others who welcome the change of season with glee and childlike excitement. Yes, that would be me!

Here in New England today, the humidity lifted and the skies were blue with just the right amount of white, fluffy clouds to paint a perfect sky scape. The sun was shining after a long summer of rain and swamp like temperatures with a slight breeze that let us know autumn is on our doorstep.

How grouchy I will be when the Indian summer says visit. How I will crave cool, crisp, clear evenings; the kind of night that evokes a small shiver. Those nights when the sky seems darker than ever and each and every star dots it’s blackness, twinkling and sparkling above us. Nights when the moon shines brighter, crickets and tree frogs are louder, and you can feel in you very soul the change of season – a time for transformation, even for us.

I recall when I was young, feeling as if the air was cleaner and more crisp in New Hampshire, the place I now call home. And I swear it is.

Bring on the ‘ber months, the most wonderful time of the year!

What’s your favorite season – and why? Leave a comment and let us know.

Put the blame where it belongs. It’s our own fault.

Disclaimer: There are countless decent, respectful, kind, and good people in this world. This post is not to be taken personally. We are humans, doing our best – but we can do better. Just saying. This doesn’t apply to all, yet it applies to many.

We need to step up and take action – as parents, grandparents, children, spouses, neighbors, friends, managers, and human beings.

We make excuses for bad behavior. We allow it, condone it, or ignore it.

We take the easy way out, saying that it’s just the way it is these days, and in doing so contribute to the problem by way of acceptance and passivity.

We say that there’s nothing we can do – but that’s not true. We have a choice – yet our decision fuels the decay of our society. Our decision spreads disrespect and bullying like a cancer. There is a lack of civility and tolerance.

We can shout from the rooftops diversity, equity, and inclusion but the reality is – people have become mean and ugly. There is no filter, no thought before using words as weapons, mass casualties as a result.

A moment of silence and a reminder to make moments count, every day.

This year, it occurred to me that there is not much more to be said or written about 9/11. My memories of that day have been documented and described in detail – from my whereabouts to every feeling and emotion that coursed through me.

We will never forget, nor should we, the terrorist attack that shocked our nation and took thousands of lives. Innocent people just having a day when their lives were savagely taken from them. Those who chose to jump from 80 or more floors, making the only decision that was the alternative to burning alive. Some, holding hands – you go, we go. Firefighters rushing in while everyone was rushing out. Fear, pain, anguish.

Countless moments of silence commemorated 9/11 today, around our nation and in many other countries around our world. So many connections. So much loss.

Remembering is important, but how can you truly honor those murdered on that tragic day? By making your moments count, every one.

As you end this day, or start a new one, carry the thoughts below with you in your daily life. It’s even more important to live with gratitude, appreciation, and intent because we never know which day will be our last.

Don’t miss an opportunity to tell and show your loved ones how much you love them – that you care and they matter.

No matter how angry you may be with your spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend, parent, child, friend or someone dear to you – find a way to go to sleep in peace. Let them know that you may be upset, but you love them and will work things out. Share your feelings, yet don’t shut them out. If tomorrow never comes …

As the saying goes: don’t sweat the small stuff, and it’s all small stuff. Ask yourself, will it matter tomorrow, next week or months from now?

Missing an estranged friend? Reach out. Say hi. It doesn’t mean you have together or even talk on the phone. Life takes different paths and that’s ok. Sometimes a simple ‘I’m thinking of you and miss our friendship. Hope life is treating you well,’ can mean so much and touch someone more than you know and liberate you.

Let your people be who they are and appreciate their positive qualities. We can all get on each other’s nerves, but we would most likely miss those pains in the butt that we love dearly if they were gone. Cherish them.

End each day with gratitude, no matter how difficult the day. You can find at least one thing to be grateful for.

Start each day with gratitude – you woke up. You may feel lousy, be stressed and wonder how you will make it through the day – but you woke up. The rest is up to you. Some people would give anything to have another chance to breathe in life.

In memory of all of those killed on 9/11. How will we honor you every day? By living with intent and gratitude. We will never forget.

An Ode to Summer.

When you read that title, you expect to read a sob story from a person mourning summer’s end. And I have to say, that is the sentiment for most of the Northeast population.

But not me. I am not a summer person. Though I appreciate some aspects of the season, most I don’t fancy.

At one point in time, I penned a piece that shouted loudly the beautiful feelings of summer. I recall an early morning when the sun was shining and the birds were singing, life feeling carefree and unencumbered. It was quite lovely. It seemed to last for an eternity, but it was only a few moments in time. Summer still eludes me.

I hate heat. I loathe humidity. Sweating should be optional, like when you’re working out.

My ode to summer is – it’s almost over. How I crave cool days, crisp and clear nights when the stars seem brighter than ever and the chill requires sweatshirts.

Pumpkin spice – not allowed before Labor Day. The grumps that accompany Indian summer, when heat finds its way back into our days.

Bring on October. Let the leaves fall to the ground as a New England summer finally recedes, fading into the sunset as the days grow shorter, and the nights longer.

The bustle of school days, eve of the holiday season.

Please hurry. There are some of us who anxiously await your arrival.

And I guess that’s why they call it the blues.

There are times when we find ourselves experiencing a case of the blues. We may try to deny it. We may discard the feelings and work fruitlessly to minimize it. But with every passing moment, we are faced with the fact that the blues have indeed plagued us.

And we may not even realize how those blues crept up on us. Lost love, a relationship that rode off into the sunset. Missing loved ones, those who have past and no longer fill our lives with their physical presence. Or just a phase that has descended upon us, no matter how many good fortunes we are blessed with. Sometimes, life simply overwhelms us. A series of hassles and frustrations, unintended insults or slights. Hurtful comments, or even worse, being overlooked or ignored.

The blues can overcome us for a few moments, a few hours, or a few days. If we are fortunate, they don’t last much longer. We can find a way to overcome, move on, or in the best-case scenario – learn and grow as a result.

So, what do we do if we find ourselves facing a case of blues?

Tune in. Listen. Sit with the feelings and emotions. Let them flow through you – but don’t let them consume you. Don’t allow them to take over your life, rather than simply have a seat at your table. Dinner ends – life’s a bit longer, God willing.

Those feelings may be terrifying, maybe even earth-shattering. Maybe you’re afraid of too many things to list. Maybe you’re afraid to face your shortcomings, your demons – everything that holds you back from living your best life. Maybe the person you thought you’d spend your life with is someone that you used to love.

The only permanent choice you ever need to make – is to be a good person.

So, shout, scream, cry. Stay in your PJ’s, eat ice cream, and sleep. Do whatever it is you need to do to remedy the blues.

Then stand up, straighten your shoulders, and be a good person. Because at the end of every day, that’s what counts.

The sound, of silence.

No. I am not referring to the song by Simon and Garfunkel – though it is a great song.

I am referring to evenings, such as this, when the only sound you hear is the breeze blowing through the leaves of the trees, the frogs, the crickets, and the faint hum of a motorcycle in the distance.

You can also hear yourself think, because the text message beeps and email alerts are silenced. The life that consumes you is falling asleep, affording you the time to reflect, contemplate, and dream.

For some, this can be a time of pure delight. You may be savoring some moments alone – kids are in bed. Spouse is asleep. And no one needs you right now, but you. What you would give to escape your commitments – yet you don’t even realize that you feel that way because being alone is something you fantasize about, while others would do anything to have what you have.

For others, the time is bittersweet. You’re cherishing your solitude, yet simultaneously missing what isn’t right for you, but you reluctantly crave it nonetheless. The demons arise and you struggle with the past and present, while praying for a future that paints the picture you sketched in your dreams. You envy the frazzled mother, the frustrated wife. You find yourself longing for the aggravations other people want to rid themselves of. So they think.

May we all be aware of the greener grass. It’s never greener. Keep watering your own.

Silence should be your friend, not foe. It should wash over you like a hot shower, soothing. It should feel like a hug, comforting. And it should relax you, like a nice cup of tea or a good night of sleep – because who gets that?!

Sit back, unwind, and let the sounds of silence embrace you. Tomorrow is another day. No matter what you’re feeling tonight, hope is your anchor, and it will ensure you set sail in the morning.

When a weight is lifted.

There are many times in life when we convince ourselves that we are good. We also work hard to convince others by justifying or defending our state of goodness, because clearly, they need help understanding.

Often those closest to us can see what we cannot. Not always, but often. Yet we resist, fight, and pull back.

Recently, I experienced this. My heart and soul held on to something that hadn’t been good for seven years – but I was good.

Something tells me that you already skipped to the moral of the story. I wasn’t good.

When we stay in situations or relationships that aren’t good for us, we suffer. We may not realize it, but those less than scenarios leave us depleted. The mental landscape covered, and the emotional energy expended are exhausting. We may think we are fine, but we’re far from it.

Sometimes, we need to step back and honestly evaluate why we stay where we don’t belong. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, or a habit. Why? What keeps us connected? If we are hurting from any of those, why do we continue?

Often, when we examine our reasons, we will find that we are holding on to nothing more than a false sense of security. We are wrought with fear and anxiety, whether founded or not, afraid of letting go of what may bring us more pain, than joy.

Listen to your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, if it doesn’t sit well with you, it’s most likely not right for you. And sometimes, whether people own up to it or not, we need to ween ourselves off a person or habit like a drug. It may take time – it may take years, but you’ll detach. And when you do – it’s an incredible feeling, even if the first days find you feeling off and somewhat melancholic. That’s to be expected.

Then, one day, you will awake and feel good. You’ll realize that the one thing that was consuming you mentally, emotionally, spiritually and as a result, physically, is fading into your past.

A weight is lifted. A sense of holistic freedom fills your very being – a sound mind, a happy heart and a peaceful soul. The world is yours to devour.

Education must be a way of life, not just a degree.

A degree does not equal intelligence. It means that you studied well and applied yourself. There are several known levels of intelligence, a Harvard psychologist documenting eight in recent years. * Being book smart falls into just one category.

A college education has become the equivalent of what a high school diploma was back in the day – a time when high school graduates harbored a maturity that most 60-year-olds don’t even reach today. Couples married at ages 20 and 21, sometimes younger, sometimes older. They secured jobs with pensions and the mindset was one of loyalty, a time when people worked at the same place for a lifetime. That was the norm. They worked hard, put family first, and respected the value of a dollar. Whether college educated or not, the average mindset was one of simplicity, civility, and community. Children played in the park until the lights came on in the evening. There was one car per family – no seatbelts, vehicles with ashtrays, manual windows, and no power steering. Mothers focused more on their children than their abs, putting all energy into the home and who lived under their roof rather than getting Botox, feeling as if they weren’t enough, or needing a Mommy time out. Continue reading “Education must be a way of life, not just a degree.”