** WARNING: May trigger those sensitive to addiction, suicide, death, or like topics. Please read at your own discretion. **
You hear the news.
You’re not shocked. You knew it was inevitable.
You’re not surprised. You knew it would happen, despite every hope in the world that it wouldn’t.
Yet it did – and it was ‘unexpected.’
Within moments, your mind freezes – then your heart breaks.
Your longtime friend is gone and there are no words, just loss and sadness mixed with some bittersweet, yet wonderful memories. And tonight – on the eve of your beloved grandfather’s passing, 12 years ago, Friday the 13th. My goodness, it feels like an eternity.
How fragile life is and no matter how we live out our days, death will surely come. For some, that sentiment will sound cold and callous. For others, that sentiment will be realistic and refreshing.
We cannot hide from death. It’s one of the only guarantees in life and as my favorite leading lady, Katherine Hepburn, said: “Life’s hard. After all, it kills you.”
Then we find ourselves questioning it all – when it comes to addiction.
Yes, life will kill us eventually. But will it be of natural causes? Will it be due to a tragic fate? Will it be the result of poisoning ourselves with toxins – alcohol or drugs? Or will we make that decision – choosing to end our lives before our time is up?
Addiction is insidious – a slow suicide for those unable to recover, impacting not only those afflicted, but those who love and care for them. For those who fall under its spell, they will never comprehend the hurt and damage inflicted on those who eternally ask the questions, “What could I have done differently? How could I have helped? Could I have prevented this?”
Though the answers vary, the most common one is – no. No matter what you did or didn’t do, the people afflicted had to want to make the changes necessary for themselves – when they were ready, when it was time. Sadly, for some, that time never comes and despite all the help in the world – they succumb.
Whether it be an intoxicated accident, a sudden death, or suicide, it’s devastating for those who loved them and tried so hard to intervene and more importantly, support them.
I recall vividly the last visit with my friend, sitting on my parents’ porch, those memories screaming loudly from the recesses of my mind. My words and efforts were in vain. I wanted so much to help, yet I knew all the help in the world wasn’t helping at all.
Rest now, my dear friend, and I sincerely hope that you are at peace, knowing full well how terribly you struggled – and for so long. I will always love you and thank you for the sunshine you brought to my life. Brandy will always be a fine girl and we did know the Keeper of the Stars, on many a September Morn. You will always shine on in my heart. Always.
