The mindful acts of love, patience, and acceptance.

We’ve heard it said often, that love is an action. It’s something that must be put into practice each day; a decision, a commitment.

This doesn’t mean we’re always loving. Quite the opposite. There are many times when we don’t feel loving, or take for granted those we do love.

The same goes for patience. That, too, is an action. It is something we need to be mindful of and put into practice. It’s quite easy to lose our cool, to grow irritated and lash out.

This also applies to acceptance. The saying ‘accept the things you cannot change’ rings true, and people certainly fit into this category.  We must put acceptance into practice,  reminding ourselves regularly that we don’t have control over people and many other things in life.

Love, patience and acceptance. These are mindful acts that we need to consciously put into practice each day. We are not saints. We will be unloving, we will grow impatient; and we will try to fight, or change, the things we won’t accept.

But we have the option to stop in our tracks, stepping on the brakes on and shifting our perspective when we find ourselves veering off course.

We can remind ourselves how it feels to be loved, even when we don’t feel very lovable. We can remind ourselves how it feels when someone is patient with us, even when we have been exceedingly irritating or annoying. And we can remind ourselves how it feels to be accepted, for better or worse, in all of our flawed beauty.

“It doesn’t matter how old you are, there is a little child within who needs love and acceptance.” – Louise Hay

 

 

 

Boys, don’t make it so complicated (girls, too)!

In sharing time with one of my oldest (not in age) and dearest friends this evening, we took a deep dive into relationships – and relating, period.

As we reflected and reminisced about the countless things we’ve both learned through love and loss over the years, one poignant point was the fact that men and women can, and often do, think quite differently.

Continue reading “Boys, don’t make it so complicated (girls, too)!”

Music moves the heart and stirs the soul. Remembering Karen Carpenter.

I’m a big music gal who couldn’t narrow my tastes down to a favorite genre if you paid me – or simply asked.

I love all music and my collection has no rhyme or reason. From world music to classical, funk, rock, and decade mixes. Blue grass, Cajun, Christian and soul. Easy listening, big band, Gregorian chant. No matter what the genre, you are guaranteed to find it when you scroll through the countless playlists on my apps – or on my Classic iPod (yes, it exists in my car). There are even remnants of my past on CDs at my parents’ house. Continue reading “Music moves the heart and stirs the soul. Remembering Karen Carpenter.”

Love Detox 101 – For all those struggling to let go. It’s not easy.

Break-ups require a 12-step program, I’m convinced of that.

May I re-phrase?

Break-ups with those you truly loved from the soul. Not a casual dalliance or a superficial connection, whoever chooses such options. But a committed, vulnerable and willing connection with whom you’ve parted.

It’s damned awful. Right?! We all pretend we’re ok – and in reality, we are if we step back and take control of our emotions. We’re stronger than we think. But it is painful, uncomfortable and miserable – truth be told. Continue reading “Love Detox 101 – For all those struggling to let go. It’s not easy.”

Your daily thought, point to ponder and soulful reflection.

Daily thought: Where has romance gone? What happened to courting, building friendships and lasting love?

Point to ponder: In a society that boasts radical feminism and views masculinity as toxic, do the outnumbered even stand a chance in a cesspool of single people looking for love in all the wrong places?

Soulful reflection: As it goes on a Sunday, I chose the morning music that would accompany my brunch prep. The music has to align with the weather, the day’s plan – or lack thereof – and my current state of mind. Today’s playlist selection was a Classic Country Drive. The country music that my father listened to and loved when I was a child. The music I dreaded and loathed! Oh, how the times change! Age brings with it an appreciation for, what I would now refer to as, one of the finer things in life.

Always the lyrics girl, which is why I choose classical or instrumental when I write, I listened carefully to the words as I moved around the kitchen, singing to my little pooch. As the words registered, I wondered whatever happened to good old fashioned romance – and what the odds are for people finding that needle in the haystack who wonders the same thing.

It seems dating is out, hooking-up is in. Chivalry is dead, feminists are presumed to be the new norm. Gentlemen feel awkward, ladies feel lost. Pecs, abs and restrictive diets with a side of intense workouts are in; a little jiggle when you wiggle and offering more than just tight buns, out.

There was no bigger heartache than those suffered by cowboys and prairie girls. They sing it all too well. Yet I couldn’t help but hear kindness, compassion and genuine love in each song. Sure, they got drunk, broke a thing or two, and cried a lot. But today’s music finds them breaking windows with baseball bats, planning revenge and making sure that self-absorption is top of mind when moving on.

Chemistry is important, connection key, yet I can’t help wondering if people are missing out on so much by not looking deeper – by not seeing the man who would seek to understand your feelings, by not seeing the woman who would walk through fire with you, by not paying attention to – or appreciating – the basic ingredients that create a lasting relationship. Some seem to only go for the frosting on the cake.

For those who have found it, cherish it. For those who want to, reconsider what it is you’re looking for – and take your time finding it.

Your daily thought, point to ponder and soulful reflection.

Daily thought: A relationship is like a plant. If you don’t water and tend to it, it will die but with a some TLC, it can also come back to life.

Point to ponder: Do you take a partner for granted? Do you think once you charm someone into a relationship, you just stop the things you did to woo them? Or simply go back to your life as a single person, throwing them a crumb or two to keep them hanging in?

Soulful reflection: I recall vividly one of many conversations with my partner when we were faced with relationship challenges and my sharing that above daily thought with him. Some of us don’t even need much water or TLC, but the complete lack thereof leaves us to wither, wilt and eventually – die, like the plant.

Ironically, I wasn’t into plants or herbs at that time. I knew the responsibility and consistent care they would require, and I was once too free spirited for such commitment. Yet now I have them, and I witnessed my analogy right here in real time – and had to smile, a bittersweet yet comforting and knowing smile.

I arrived home last night to a wilted and dead-looking basil plant because I’d stayed at my parents home unexpectedly the evening before, thus missed the ritualistic morning watering. How heartbroken I was! In the past, I would have thrown it out. It’s dead. It doesn’t look so good anymore. What’s done is done. But I’m obsessed with my plants and was willing and determined to bring it back to life. It’s a commitment, a choice I make every day to nurture and grow them, not giving up on them because of some dead-looking leaves.

This morning, that basil plant looked like brand new. It was standing tall, robust and healthy in appearance.

If only we would do the same in our relationships. Of course some have to be thrown in the trash, but others – simply need some water, weeding and care enough to repair and flourish over time.

Some throw things away with too easily. Some aren’t willing to put a little work in when things get bumpy. Some just aren’t capable, so they should live plant-free.

But if you are capable, be sure to water where you stand today because the grass is only as green as the one you tend to.

Your daily thought, point to ponder and soulful reflection.

Daily thought: As sad as it may be, sometimes you have to accept the fact that certain people we called friends – are friends no more.

Point to ponder: Though we never give up on friends, sometimes we need to step away. Sometimes we need to evaluate if someone is still a friend – that person we could see in five years, despite no communication, and still feel close to and share a connection, as if no time had passed. Or, if we are holding on to something that has long since died, not publicly declaring an ending.

Soulful reflection: I have both. Friends I know are friends no more, and friends that I would call tomorrow, despite how much time has passed, who I trust would be there in a heartbeat.

But how long do we ‘friend’ people who don’t reciprocate our friendship? How many years do we put forth love, kindness and care – when they don’t return it?

Know when to say when. Frankly, I’m in that stage of life when I’m packing carefully who is growing with me through the years, and who I am leaving behind.

Don’t get me wrong. I’ll still be there for you, no matter what, no matter what time of day or night. Even though that may mean nothing to you after your needs are met. I’ve experienced that one too many times, but as my mother reminded me tonight, I can feel proud in my friendship status and offerings. I’ve been a friend, even when many have not. Maybe they don’t have it to give. That’s ok.

But don’t be surprised when I fade into the sunset in the future. When the birthday card and wishes or text messages stop. I’m tired. And I’m moving on from you. The you who isn’t present in my life.

What does friendship mean to you?

Your daily thought, point to ponder and soulful reflection.

Daily thought: Many feel their lives are not complete until they fall in love, or find the one. No matter how full someone’s life is, s/he feels a void without a romantic partner.

Point to ponder: Why is it important to have a romantic partner? Why is it that we disregard the various types of love that surround us, putting so much emphasis on finding a soulmate?

Soulful reflection: Love is what makes the world go round – but it doesn’t center around the Romeo and Juliet, Officer and a Gentleman or Dirty Dancing kind of love. Yet, we often feel as though it does, investing countless amounts of time trying to find love, falling in love, staying in love, or falling out of love and healing.

Others can fuel that desire by constantly asking, ‘So how’s your love life?, Are you seeing anyone?’ Usually that’s question number two or three, which makes it feel like a high priority and that you are certainly missing out on something if you are a single person. Then the gossip, or false beliefs: ‘She must be too picky.’, ‘Nothing ever works out for him.’, ‘She has such bad luck.’, and so on. Continue reading “Your daily thought, point to ponder and soulful reflection.”

For the one who tried tirelessly to make it work.

You’re exhausted, aren’t you?

Sometimes we need to let go, and that’s not easy.

We need to remind ourselves, when we travel down memory lane, that we made every effort and acknowledge the fact that if the other person cared, s/he would be reaching out.

But they’re not. And maybe they can’t, or won’t, because they wanted it to end – yet didn’t have the courage to own up to that.

So stop beating yourself up. Stop wishing and praying. And see things as they are.

It won’t be easy, but each time you want and wish remember – if they wanted to be with you, they’d be here. Simple as that.

Accept, let go, and move on. You deserve to be free, and find contentment.