Points to ponder – Page 3 – From the Desk of Pennwell Gray

What is Memorial Day?

There is confusion among some on the difference between Memorial and Veterans Day. Ask a child today what the difference is and many don’t know. Something to do with veterans. Something to do with the military. Something to do with flags.

I respect anyone who tries, anyone who respects our military and those who have served and sacrificed. I respect those who fly the flag, even if they’re unaware of proper protocol. I respect the fact that they are patriotic and harbor a love for country and national pride.

Stop. Read. Respond.

People don’t read anymore. I’m not talking books or newspapers, magazines or periodicals. I’m talking emails, texts, and social posts. They may see the words, yet they fail to comprehend.

It seems some are pruned to pick out key words – then string together their perceived intent of a message. Or, they respond impulsively, seeing one word then jumping to conclusions.

It’s a pet peeve, and a big one, and I’m far from perfect. There’s been a time or two – maybe many more – when I’ve read too quickly, responded even faster, and missed the point. Despite my best efforts, I’d failed.

But it’s occasional, not habitual, and it seems that ‘not reading’ is the new norm.

I experience it at work as well as with personal and social correspondence. I see it even more as I peruse social media, people arguing back and forth because one or the other didn’t comprehend – or consciously read – the message put forth.

We’ve become a society of humans that don’t read to comprehend.

We rush through our emails and countless messages, then respond to check off a box – done. I responded.

We are harried and believe multi-tasking is a requirement, not an option.

We want to overachieve and in turn, we wind up not doing anything really well – even though we’re doing it all.

May we slow down and even dare to stop, read, then respond. Nearly 100% of the issues in life arise from not reading, not listening, or lacking the courage to speak-up and communicate.

When opportunity knocks …

Summer Fridays were never my thing because it meant I could stop working early. I was not a fan of lunch breaks either, but I did love the post-work social hours that ran way too late into some nights. Work hard, play hard.

Work is something that I grew addicted to at a young age. As a child, I operated a pretend office rather than play with dolls. Accompanying my grandmother to the local stationery store was one of my favorite outings, purchasing sales receipt books and other business supplies. Forget Barbie! Sitting at the cherry executive desk when my father worked part-time delivering office furniture was better than any trip to Disney World in my opinion. I felt a surge of adrenaline and pleasure, at the ready to strike a deal or two in my vivid imagination.

Bringing the Five C’s into our Daily Lives.

There was a time in my life when I appeared uptight, yet I wasn’t. Well, maybe a little bit but I would say reserved, not uptight. Today I’m as outgoing as ever even though I’m an introvert by nature, a walking paradox.

As down to earth as I am, however, I do believe that there is a time and place for certain things. I also believe in decorum and manners, humility and gratitude. I’m not a fan of obnoxious behavior, rude people, or inappropriate heckling – goes back to time and place. I think we should learn to sit with discomfort, afford ourselves the opportunity to build coping skills and well, grow up. I think boasting on social media about your good deeds comes across as attention seeking rather than promoting the generosity of your heart. And as I follow current events and witness how people on all societal levels speak and act, how they treat each other, I find it rather disheartening.

This is certainly not a holier than thou post. It is not filled with piety or judgment, but rather a perspective based on observations.

What seems to be lacking is civility, courtesy, compassion, communication and collaboration.

Aging – gratefully.

Sometimes I wonder if writers are telepathically connected because often, it seems that we percolate on a like subject simultaneously. Today was one of those days.

Early this morning, I happened past a post about Melissa Gilbert and aging gratefully. How I could relate yet not having had the time to read the message in depth, I perused just enough to plant the seeds of thought at the start of my day.

Mid-day during a stretch break, I had the good fortune of seeing an article published by a fellow writer and lovely human, and made the time to read it. Ironically, it was on aging and how we trade the beauty of youth for sage inner beauty.

Never should we fear, loathe, or regret aging – some are denied the privilege, as the saying goes. Birthdays are a gift and every day is a blessing, no matter what our age.

It’s not without its woes, that’s for sure.

When you keep beating your head against the wall, look in the mirror.

There’s a great meme floating around social media that reads: “When you persist in being bothered by someone who refuses to change, you also refuse to change – truth be told.”

Who can relate?

What a simple, yet poignant, statement.

People show us who they are. People reveal themselves through their actions, not their words. People may invest the bare minimum in a relationship, akin to making sure one has some balance in a bank account, so it doesn’t close, but rarely give more.

Yet we fight it. Whether we are delusional or want to believe the best, we keep trying to make some relationships work. We long for more than we will ever get. And we hope and pray old patterns will change – yet they never do. We fight the inevitable and it’s not a battle with the other person. It’s a battle with ourselves. Continue reading “When you keep beating your head against the wall, look in the mirror.”

Everything in moderation, including moderation because – life’s short.

Those who know me are well aware that my definition of socializing is chatting with friendly people when running errands. People tend to talk to me and I am not shy when it comes to engaging, or initiating if there is something that deems conversation worthy. Visit a few stores, talk with some pleasant folks then it certainly qualifies as an official night out!

Waiting in the supermarket checkout line, I inched forward in an attempt to get what I referred to as the ‘thing-a-majiggy’ and the lady ahead of me knew exactly what I meant – the ‘whatcha-ma-call-it.’ The artfully decorated cake in my basket led to chatter about life’s celebrations and I proclaimed that any occasion was an occasion for cake to which she responded, ‘But after dinner, of course.’ Absolutely not 100% of the time!

Sometimes it’s before dinner – and sometimes, it is dinner. We may sneak a piece during the day or sliver a slice as a snack. We may even cut some for breakfast, followed by our multi-vitamin because surely our decisions aren’t necessarily nutritious or healthy ones – but those decisions are ours to make. We are grown-ups. We’ve earned the privilege of tossing some rules right out the window, and I can think of many.

Life is short. We should moderate everything, including moderation. We say it. We buy signs that proclaim it. We tout the message, yet rarely do we live it.

We find ourselves bogged down by the can nots and should nots. We are plagued by potential guilt and shame. We get so caught up in these things that they become life itself – and that takes up way too much mental space and stands in the way of what? Enjoying our lives!!

I’m the queen of it, so no preaching here. Maybe I’m nudging myself because I say it, buy the signs, and tout the message – but sometimes I forget and lose too much time restricting myself, judging myself, and not living in the way I believe every one of us should be – and we can’t get that time back. It’s gone, forever.

Yes, there are things we need to improve upon. There are habits to be broken. There is a need for some control and restraint so that we don’t become selfish, reckless hedonists. We need to honor our conscience, yet respect our true selves.

But we can have cake before dinner. Not every day, but some days – and we should let go of certain rules that actually hinder the joy of living rather than celebrate our very existence.

Reframe your thinking and start living today.

Got faith? Our world needs your prayers.

It’s the holiest time on the Christian calendar – the Easter Triduum, three days commemorating the crucifixion, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

It’s also Passover, a major Jewish holiday that celebrates the Biblical story of the Israelites escape from slavery in Egypt.

Rocket attacks and airstrikes in Israel, Lebanon, and Gaza. Another school shooting in Nashville. Racial discord. Gender issues. Mental health crises. Addiction. Leaders and politicians who conduct themselves like high school cliques.

It’s disheartening, sad, and seems to be spiraling out of control right now – everywhere. Not just in America, but around the globe.

As I sat in church last evening, I reflected deeply. At anytime, anywhere – anyone could walk through the doors in places of worship and cause mass destruction. How could they? Why do they? None of us are safe.

Last weekend I sat in a school cafeteria, watching the kids interact and go about their day, doing the things that kids do. I reflected deeply. How could anyone, for any reason walk through the doors of a school and murder, or injure, any child, any human being? None of us are safe.

It’s heartbreaking and we, as a society, as a world, need all of the prayers we can get. Hug your loved ones, appreciate every moment, and if you have it in you – pray. Pray for peace. Pray for unity. Pray for a better tomorrow.

Riding the waves of life.

Life is like an ocean.

Sometimes calm and peaceful, but more often than not coming at us like waves crashing up against the sea wall – wild and unpredictable, a magical pool of wonder with a mind and mood of it’s own. If we are not careful, we can get pulled into the current, tirelessly fighting to catch our breath and find some way to swim safely back to shore.

Oh, how we fight the currents, exhausting ourselves by swimming against the tide when we should be surfing the waves – allowing ourselves to ebb and flow, rise and fall. When we get sucked under, finding the will and confidence to paddle to the top, mentally letting go while physically persevering.

Letting go – it’s something most of us aren’t good at, even if we think we are. Call it delusional, or denial. Call it what you will, but we all fight the currents, swim against the tide, and find ourselves drowning in this thing called life.

We want balance. We want happiness. We want consistency. We want – well, maybe we don’t always know what we want. Maybe, we have a mind and mood of our own – just like the ocean.

What is the moral of this post, you may ask?

Keep swimming. Know when to front crawl, know when to float. Know when to dive in, know when to do laps. The key to success is in continuity – in not giving up yet recognizing when to modify or adapt.

The sea speaks to the soul and if you listen carefully, it can speak to you, as well. There will be storms. There will be shipwrecks. There will be sailing on the bright and clear blue water.

Welcome it all. Your heart will go on.

It’s a Winter Wonderland

As the snow falls outside the window, I can’t help but be reminded that winter will soon be behind us. The clocks sprung ahead last Sunday morning while we slept, and the days have grown longer. Birds chirp as dawn breaks and the geese that fly overhead in the evening have clocked in an hour later than usual. Spring is in the air.

Winter is one of my favorite seasons, second only to autumn and some days bumps to the front of the line. Those days are days just like this, when the world seems to stop and most people are nestled inside of their warm homes, working, playing, reading, cooking, baking, or doing nothing at all.

For those in the New England area, even if you are not a lover of the cold or snow, I encourage you to take a few minutes today and marvel in its the majestic force that is Mother Nature. Watch the snowflakes fall, each one unique in its own way – just like us. Take in the beauty, if just for a moment, rather than anger at the burden of shoveling and inconvenience. There’ll be plenty of time for that.

Then close your eyes and let gratitude fill you. Gratitude that you are reading this from a warm place with a roof over your head. Gratitude that we live in a locale where the seasons change and offer us something new and exciting four times each year. Gratitude for simply waking up this morning.

And join me in thanking all of those who keep us safe, protect us, and serve our communities – those who brave any weather, work the nights and holidays, and who don’t have the luxury of taking snow days: DPW workers, police, fire, paramedics, EMTs, nurses, doctors, and more; as well as those who have no place to place to call home.