Points to ponder – Page 2 – From the Desk of Pennwell Gray

When a weight is lifted.

There are many times in life when we convince ourselves that we are good. We also work hard to convince others by justifying or defending our state of goodness, because clearly, they need help understanding.

Often those closest to us can see what we cannot. Not always, but often. Yet we resist, fight, and pull back.

Recently, I experienced this. My heart and soul held on to something that hadn’t been good for seven years – but I was good.

Something tells me that you already skipped to the moral of the story. I wasn’t good.

When we stay in situations or relationships that aren’t good for us, we suffer. We may not realize it, but those less than scenarios leave us depleted. The mental landscape covered, and the emotional energy expended are exhausting. We may think we are fine, but we’re far from it.

Sometimes, we need to step back and honestly evaluate why we stay where we don’t belong. Whether it’s a relationship, a job, or a habit. Why? What keeps us connected? If we are hurting from any of those, why do we continue?

Often, when we examine our reasons, we will find that we are holding on to nothing more than a false sense of security. We are wrought with fear and anxiety, whether founded or not, afraid of letting go of what may bring us more pain, than joy.

Listen to your gut. If it doesn’t feel right, if it doesn’t sit well with you, it’s most likely not right for you. And sometimes, whether people own up to it or not, we need to ween ourselves off a person or habit like a drug. It may take time – it may take years, but you’ll detach. And when you do – it’s an incredible feeling, even if the first days find you feeling off and somewhat melancholic. That’s to be expected.

Then, one day, you will awake and feel good. You’ll realize that the one thing that was consuming you mentally, emotionally, spiritually and as a result, physically, is fading into your past.

A weight is lifted. A sense of holistic freedom fills your very being – a sound mind, a happy heart and a peaceful soul. The world is yours to devour.

Education must be a way of life, not just a degree.

A degree does not equal intelligence. It means that you studied well and applied yourself. There are several known levels of intelligence, a Harvard psychologist documenting eight in recent years. * Being book smart falls into just one category.

A college education has become the equivalent of what a high school diploma was back in the day – a time when high school graduates harbored a maturity that most 60-year-olds don’t even reach today. Couples married at ages 20 and 21, sometimes younger, sometimes older. They secured jobs with pensions and the mindset was one of loyalty, a time when people worked at the same place for a lifetime. That was the norm. They worked hard, put family first, and respected the value of a dollar. Whether college educated or not, the average mindset was one of simplicity, civility, and community. Children played in the park until the lights came on in the evening. There was one car per family – no seatbelts, vehicles with ashtrays, manual windows, and no power steering. Mothers focused more on their children than their abs, putting all energy into the home and who lived under their roof rather than getting Botox, feeling as if they weren’t enough, or needing a Mommy time out. Continue reading “Education must be a way of life, not just a degree.”

Let us pray.

I went to the cinema today for the opening of Sound of Freedom, a true story about child sex trafficking.

Armed with my popcorn, I settled in to watch the movie. Nothing could have prepared me for what I was about to experience.

Though we all know that the subject of trafficking is disturbing, I believe most of us choose not to think about it. We may hear stories about the border, cartels and high risk, as well as likelihood, of trafficking. We remember convicted sex offender Jeffrey Epstein’s playground with underage prostitution. Yet it stops there. Not because we are insensitive or cold, but because it doesn’t really touch our lives. It happens to others – other people’s children, other countries or states. It’s a shame, we think, but we are somewhat removed. Or, it’s too ugly for us to to imagine. We don’t want the image in our minds or even fathom the unfathomable.

Did you know that the United States is one of the top destinations for child trafficking and is among the largest consumers of child sex?

Did you know that child sex trafficking is reported in all 50 U.S. states?

Did you know that it is a $150 billion business?

Some points to ponder.

This evening I heard someone say proclaim that we have every bit of information at our fingertips and people are dumber than ever.

My disclaimer is – not everyone, never everyone.

But I have to agree.

When I’m faced with those who wildly defend a position or who make absolutely no sense when arguing a point, a lightbulb goes off above my head.

They’ve read a headline. They caught a news clip. Or they chatted with someone in line with them at the supermarket, bank, or some random place. Maybe they overheard people talking and walked away with information that they then passed on – nothing substantiated.

That’s how rumors start. That is the definition of ‘misinformation’ if it is not researched, sources cited, and facts checked. Continue reading “Some points to ponder.”

When did kindness go out of fashion?

While taking a late night Facebook scroll, I counted six posts within seconds that asked people to ‘please be kind when responding’ to questions that seemed quite sincere in requesting advice.

The people placed trust in an online community, hoping that someone else experienced what they are currently enduring and could offer some words of wisdom.

Repeatedly the plea was made for kindness, asking others to reply in a gentle and compassionate manner.

On being your own best friend.

Do you find yourself irritated by selfish partners, friends, and family? Upset because as much as you reach out to them, remembering their important events and what ails them, it’s never reciprocated?

Here’s some tough love. It’s not them. It’s you.

If you find this happening not once, but again and again – what’s wrong with you? Why do you continue to put effort into those who care nothing about putting effort into you?

Yes, we accept people for who they are but at some point, we should cut our losses. We should seek to find partners and friends who meet us where we are. Who step up and be present in our lives. Because it goes both ways.

And if one way is all you’ve been experiencing, maybe it’s time to reconsider your relationships.

At the end of each day, you need to be your own best friend. That’s who you have at the end of any day – and a pet, if you’re so fortunate. Most, not all, people are inherently selfish.

Learn how to thrive alone. Learn how to channel your energy into activities that make you feel good – and give back to the world at large. Appreciate your solitude and manage your time wisely.

Stop focusing on those who continuously let you down and remember – you’re the only one who will be there for you at the end of each day.

What is Memorial Day?

There is confusion among some on the difference between Memorial and Veterans Day. Ask a child today what the difference is and many don’t know. Something to do with veterans. Something to do with the military. Something to do with flags.

I respect anyone who tries, anyone who respects our military and those who have served and sacrificed. I respect those who fly the flag, even if they’re unaware of proper protocol. I respect the fact that they are patriotic and harbor a love for country and national pride.

Stop. Read. Respond.

People don’t read anymore. I’m not talking books or newspapers, magazines or periodicals. I’m talking emails, texts, and social posts. They may see the words, yet they fail to comprehend.

It seems some are pruned to pick out key words – then string together their perceived intent of a message. Or, they respond impulsively, seeing one word then jumping to conclusions.

It’s a pet peeve, and a big one, and I’m far from perfect. There’s been a time or two – maybe many more – when I’ve read too quickly, responded even faster, and missed the point. Despite my best efforts, I’d failed.

But it’s occasional, not habitual, and it seems that ‘not reading’ is the new norm.

I experience it at work as well as with personal and social correspondence. I see it even more as I peruse social media, people arguing back and forth because one or the other didn’t comprehend – or consciously read – the message put forth.

We’ve become a society of humans that don’t read to comprehend.

We rush through our emails and countless messages, then respond to check off a box – done. I responded.

We are harried and believe multi-tasking is a requirement, not an option.

We want to overachieve and in turn, we wind up not doing anything really well – even though we’re doing it all.

May we slow down and even dare to stop, read, then respond. Nearly 100% of the issues in life arise from not reading, not listening, or lacking the courage to speak-up and communicate.

When opportunity knocks …

Summer Fridays were never my thing because it meant I could stop working early. I was not a fan of lunch breaks either, but I did love the post-work social hours that ran way too late into some nights. Work hard, play hard.

Work is something that I grew addicted to at a young age. As a child, I operated a pretend office rather than play with dolls. Accompanying my grandmother to the local stationery store was one of my favorite outings, purchasing sales receipt books and other business supplies. Forget Barbie! Sitting at the cherry executive desk when my father worked part-time delivering office furniture was better than any trip to Disney World in my opinion. I felt a surge of adrenaline and pleasure, at the ready to strike a deal or two in my vivid imagination.

Bringing the Five C’s into our Daily Lives.

There was a time in my life when I appeared uptight, yet I wasn’t. Well, maybe a little bit but I would say reserved, not uptight. Today I’m as outgoing as ever even though I’m an introvert by nature, a walking paradox.

As down to earth as I am, however, I do believe that there is a time and place for certain things. I also believe in decorum and manners, humility and gratitude. I’m not a fan of obnoxious behavior, rude people, or inappropriate heckling – goes back to time and place. I think we should learn to sit with discomfort, afford ourselves the opportunity to build coping skills and well, grow up. I think boasting on social media about your good deeds comes across as attention seeking rather than promoting the generosity of your heart. And as I follow current events and witness how people on all societal levels speak and act, how they treat each other, I find it rather disheartening.

This is certainly not a holier than thou post. It is not filled with piety or judgment, but rather a perspective based on observations.

What seems to be lacking is civility, courtesy, compassion, communication and collaboration.