Find me one person who isn’t insecure in some way – and I’ll introduce you to a socio- or psychopath. Insecurities are a fact and very much a part of our everyday lives. What is mind blowing is that some of the most incapable human beings who walk among us are the most confident – even arrogant. They haven’t a clue, admission, or even cognizance that they’re not the sharpest tools in the shed! Yet they keep on keeping on, succeeding, and even thriving. Shocking, indeed, but a reality that we are surrounded by.
Who isn’t insecure? I took on a high-profile volunteer role, and I’ve been beating myself up since the first Zoom call last week. I was nervous. I didn’t appear in control. I deviated from the script and agenda. I was self-absorbed, worrying about how people perceived me. My goal was to share information, make everyone on the call comfortable, and excite them for what’s to come. Yet, I felt like a failure. I severely beat myself up after the call. I read into every text received in the moments to follow – especially the positive ones, convinced that they must be mustering kindness for my job not so well done. I was an absolute wreck! The discomfort I endured long after that call ended resulted in an in-depth examination of my psyche and a quest to figure out (1) why was I so nervous on the call, not even the person others perceive me to be and (2) why was it bothering me so much? Why wasn’t I able to let it go, move on, and I might have just turned a corner today!
The irony is I’m in meetings from dawn to dusk and then some for work. I’m not uncomfortable. I don’t lack confidence. And I don’t read into any and every follow-up communication.
Do I have an answer as to why these feelings, emotions, and reactions erupted? No. The most plausible reason I can muster at the moment is it’s new. The truth is I don’t have all the information. And I am beyond dedicated to the organization I’m supporting so much so that I may be subconsciously seeking approval. I want to do well. I want to succeed for them. It’s not about me – or is it? Insecurity can also stem from triggers – past experiences that left us feeling worthless. Experiences that taught us lessons, yet are etched in our soul and consistently remind us that we are not enough. We are not capable or lovable or some other real, or most likely imagined, threat.
Insecurity is a tricky thing. There is a difference between feeling insecure because you may not be qualified or feeling insecure because you want to be liked or seek approval – the latter is all about you.
What are your thoughts on insecurity? Please share!
If we’re not evaluating, questioning and growing – we’re not living. Thank you for reading!
