From the Desk of Pennwell Gray

Do it for you.

The Christmas season is in full swing, yet this year isn’t particularly jubilant for me. There has been much loss and many stressors, thus the holidays simply evoked a feeling of heaviness, additional things to add onto an already taxed existence.

Yet I am wise enough to recognize when something is off, or when my feelings are getting the best of me.

I wanted to decorate for the holidays – but at the same time, I didn’t. It seemed rushed this year, short in duration. I am a decorate on Halloween for the holidays kind of gal to ensure one quarter of pleasure – November, December, and January – savoring the season. This year didn’t allow for that and frankly, I am tired – or maybe a bit lazy when it comes to what should be enjoyable.

Then some encouraged me to skip Christmas, asking “Why? You’re not hosting or entertaining this year. Don’t bother! You’ll only have to take it down.”

The irony is when it comes to decorating or many aspects of how I act out my life, never has it been for someone else. I don’t clean for company or ensure everything is perfect for guests. My fine china (I also love paper plates) isn’t for special occasions and displays aren’t for show. I put forth my best effort simply because I enjoy it. I take great pleasure in the little things, like basking in the light of my Christmas tree and enjoying the bright, merry shade of red that dons most rooms of my home. The aroma from candles fills my senses and soothes me, mesmerized by the flicker of a flame as the cold air wafts through an open window and the warmth of a blanket comforts me.

How I love this time of year, as well as the winter season, and how close I came to skipping it completely.

As for Christmas, I may not have done much, yet I’ve done enough. It started with the few things I’d stored in a closet, which resulted in a lot.

As I unwrapped each and every piece of Christmas decor, I smiled. From year to year, we may forget what we’ve collected, each piece accompanied by a memory.

What a wonderful trip! Reminiscing may be bittersweet, yet it’s beautiful in its own way. You laugh. You cry. You question. You reflect.

So over the past weeks, I slowly and hesitantly decorated for Christmas. And tonight, when someone asked me, “Why?,” I replied, “Because I love it.”

Do it for you.

Wrong Turns.

How often I’ve listened to people stress out while driving because they’ve missed an exit, don’t know where they are, or had to turn around multiple times to find their way. I could never quite understand the angst or fear, other than the fact that it may cause you to be late, which can have consequences, depending on the occasion. But to visibly sweat and curse, believing the end of the world has come because you’re on a street that you didn’t intend to be? I can’t relate. Continue reading “Wrong Turns.”

Thanksgiving – More Than Just One Day

As we prepare for the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday, may we be reminded that it is not a happy day for all. While many of us view it as the kickoff to the most wonderful time of the year, there are others who dread the holiday season.

If you have family and friends or the wealth within you to celebrate Thanksgiving happily, you are blessed. It is also a time when we remember those who have passed and though I can only speak for myself, I don’t shy away from the fact that it is darned hard to manage the grief at any time of year, especially when your circle is small. We hold them close in our hearts each day, but holidays can be especially tough. I find it more so as the years accumulate. Continue reading “Thanksgiving – More Than Just One Day”

The Golden Rule: What is it these days?

“Treat others as you’d like to be treated,” is – or rather was – The Golden Rule.

This no longer rings true today. In a society where so many are hurt or offended by innocuous words or comments, we have no clue how someone else wants to be treated. And it is safe to say, that many don’t want to be treated as we do.

My father calls most females ‘honey’ and most males ‘buddy.’ It is not intended as an insult, and I’ve not heard one male claim to be offended by his use of ‘buddy.’ Luckily, for him, he has not received backlash for referring to females as ‘honey.’ I hate to be that person constantly warning him that one day, he may encounter a problem. Maybe I’m bias, but I can’t imagine anyone getting mad at him for using either ‘honey’ or ‘buddy.’ He’s just lovable like that and he uses both as terms of endearment, spoken with such exuberance and warmth.

Yet we live in a society of he and she, him and her, they and them. We live among those who refer to themselves as a ‘furry,’ the people identifying as cats, or dogs, wolves or horses, and who knows what else.

Some women berate men for holding the door for them or giving them a compliment. Some men are insulted if a woman pays the bill, while other men expect it. Some wives expect mutual effort around the house while other wives want the men to do men things, while they tend to women things – can anyone define those categories for me?

In my opinion, it truly depends on the people and what works for them. I have parents who posture for who will do the dishes or vacuum the rugs – a neutrally gendered household in many ways and simply two best friends who made decisions and fell into routines based on love, not a set of rules or assigned chores. The whole men are from Mars and women are from Venus thing has never resonated in my family – and certainly not with me. Probably why I’m single, but my dog loves me. 🙂

So today, what is The Golden Rule and how do we apply it in our day-to-day interactions?

Others may not want to be treated like you do, and you may not want to be treated like them.

For me, The Golden Rule is simple: Be kind. Be courteous. Be tolerant. Be respectful.

Giving – A Personal Perspective.

How grateful I am to have been raised by those who instilled a sense of giving – an innate desire to bestow kindness and generosity upon others. Giving that entails a vibe, an energy, a subconscious act intended to do nothing more than bring joy to others – unselfish and without motive. Giving that is grounded in the foundation of paying it forward – of not expecting anything in return or resulting in a sense of obligation, but pure gratitude expressed through sharing with others in either tangible, or intangible ways.

I find myself dumbfounded when I hear others associate ‘giving’ with ‘getting.’ I find myself judgmental when I hear others use money or gifts as a means of control, or power, or an investment in a future gain. I’d say it’s perplexing, but that is not the right word. It’s disturbing, enlightening, and disheartening. Continue reading “Giving – A Personal Perspective.”

Birthdays and Blessings.

As I rolled over and opened my eyes a couple of days back, it took me a few moments to confirm what day of the week it was then to realize that it was my birthday.

I awoke with an instinctual introspection, a regular occurrence, and filled with gratitude because I had been gifted with another day.

And no day is just another day.

The night before.

As I unwind this evening, I’m caught up in the memories of 9/11, the norm for me at this time of year.

I could rattle off stats. How many people were killed that day. How many citizens, flight crew, first responders, and more.

But what’s most poignant is how many people were as we are right now – unwinding, planning for tomorrow, or sleeping soundly. Not one planned to die the next day. Not one could foresee the horrific events to come that would change our lives forever.

Never forget.

Appreciate each moment in life. Tell your people how much you love them. Don’t wait to do something special – today is reason enough. Be grateful for every day and take nothing for granted.

We don’t know what tomorrow will bring. And tonight, as I ready to close this day, I think of each one of those individuals who sat as I am right now, not knowing their lives would be cut short the next day.

Never forget. Never forget. Never forget.

For beauty’s sake, look inside.

In the 90s, the then Boston Metro newspaper published an article of mine with the same title. This post is similar in some ways, yet unique in others – and definitely less eloquent. You may consider this a random thought gone awry, as most of my posts are.

Flipping through a couple of dated magazines today in a hospital waiting room while my father underwent routine tests, I could not help but think about how much money we invest in the beauty industry. Not only beauty, but the proclaimed health and wellness industry overall. The ads were more abundant than the valuable content.

Sephora points, Ulta rewards, and GNC card carrying members. Medications to lose weight or regulate our dopamine and serotonin. We dole out dollars left and right to prevent aging, reclaim our youth, and gamble on a chance for that elusive thing named happiness.

It’s all about what you give.

In a society that seems to tout more about self-love, self-acceptance, and self-care above all else, I think we need a reset.

While it’s important to ensure we get enough rest, eat nutritiously, and manage our energy, I believe people would derive the happiness and satisfaction they seek from what they give, rather than what they get.

Those who know me, and maybe those who don’t, will recognize one of my favorite quotes:“Happiness doesn’t result from what we get, but from what we give.” – Dr. Ben Carson.

Today I had the honor of co-sponsoring a dog treat baking session with a mix of veterans and special needs folks. The latter were a mix of ages, from 24 to 33 years of age. The talent we witnessed. The helpfulness we experienced. The connection we shared. Words won’t fully describe our time spent with the loving group we met today.

Try a little tenderness.

The older I get, the crankier I become. I’m not certain whether it’s cranky or simply justified – and the way I should have been responding to life in the past!

How difficult is it to let someone merge in traffic? How difficult is it to hold the door for someone? How difficult is it to let someone with two items versus your 45 to slip in front of you in the checkout line in the grocery store?

The older I get, the more I’m finding that some folks are annoyed by courtesy, civility, and basic manners. They perceive their daily tasks to be more important and a priority over everyone else’s. It seems very few want to work together, but rather position for their very own place in life.

Am I the only one who perceives this as a problem? An issue? It is something that we should strive to overcome.

I’m cranky because social media, reality TV and a host of other platforms have robbed us of our common sense. Our morality. Our values and beliefs.

Tonight, at the grocery store, I witnessed a few people scoffing at my interaction with a very pregnant couple ahead of me – a couple who was struggling, and due in a few days. Something as simple as a grocery line checkout turned volatile and filled with impatience. I can only hope that the woman behind me took a moment to realize the humanity that was taking place and chose to embrace it.

Can we all cut each other some slack? Can we all make an effort to interact in a civilized way? Very few are not suffering in one way or another – and we have no way of knowing what someone else is enduring.

I’ve found myself waving at those who don’t say thank you for merging on a road, or in a parking lot. I’ve found myself speaking up when others make an excuse for their behavior. I may become the crazy middle-aged lady – or it seems that I may already be there!

Bring back timeless traits such as manners, respect, values, and beliefs. Bring back courtesy, civility and communication. Help, rather than hurt others.

And when all else fails – try a little tenderness.