How grateful I am to have been raised by those who instilled a sense of giving – an innate desire to bestow kindness and generosity upon others. Giving that entails a vibe, an energy, a subconscious act intended to do nothing more than bring joy to others – unselfish and without motive. Giving that is grounded in the foundation of paying it forward – of not expecting anything in return or resulting in a sense of obligation, but pure gratitude expressed through sharing with others in either tangible, or intangible ways.
I find myself dumbfounded when I hear others associate ‘giving’ with ‘getting.’ I find myself judgmental when I hear others use money or gifts as a means of control, or power, or an investment in a future gain. I’d say it’s perplexing, but that is not the right word. It’s disturbing, enlightening, and disheartening.
“Well, I don’t want to spend too much because I don’t know where this is going,” said an acquaintance. “If you only want to be friends then you’ll be paying your own way when we go out,” said an acquaintance. “I want to pay you for dinner,” said the supposed friend who had no intention for showing up on a holiday and looked to assuage that guilt with money rather than honesty. Wow is all I have to say.
I’ve met so many over the course of my lifetime who stated their feelings on giving. It was expressed as not wanting to feel indebted to someone or not wanting to give unless they knew what they were getting, something in return. Wow, again, is all I have to say though I believe with age and experience comes a maturity that shines a very big light on even the ugliest of things – this being one of them.
I am not a saint nor martyr, but damn people – is what you’ll get solely what drives your giving? Do you not want to give to another for the pure joy it brings to that person, and in turn, to you? Do you not want to pay it forward, hoping that the next person will do the same?
It’s taken this quinquagenerian a long time to accept this reality, yet I am being exposed to it more and more with each passing year. We can’t change people. Each of us is an amalgam of our past and our present. We are shaped by our experiences, as I am now by mine, and the result is – boundaries.
Trust is earned – not given away. Believe the person who is there when you actually need them, the one who stepped up when you were alone, not the one who cried over a bottle of wine then proclaimed to be your forever friend.
Tune your antennas, go on, adjust that tinfoil – because your gut instinct is never wrong. If you get a strong sense that someone isn’t who s/he appears to be, place them in your life accordingly.
And for those giving to receive – good luck to you. That kind of karma may just come back around and bite you where it hurts. Maybe it won’t, because the proverb ‘every dog has it’s day’ isn’t always the case. Often it is the selfish and heartless who appear to come out on top.
A picture isn’t always worth a thousand words, as the phrase states, and I don’t wish those folks ill – but I do hope they can reflect, introspect, and maybe, just maybe, be a little less selfish.
If you’re only giving to get, you may be among the lowest of low – total judgement. I confess.
It saddens me that we live in a world where we need to be more aware of being taken advantage of, than giving. It saddens me that those who do give so freely need to scale back and assess situations to ensure they will not be taken – once, twice, or again, and again.
To those who give to get – I hope that you can sit back and learn how to give only if it’s from your heart, and not to get something in return.
Well said.. anonymous giving and serving is best. Today there are so many hustles and scams so I do mine more personally! Navy Seal Foundation.. TT Towers and people I know who are up against it!
Thank you for all you do!