Letting go of a relationship and the person you love ranks up there with one of the most difficult things to do in life.
What’s even more difficult is letting go when a relationship isn’t blatantly bad – but not enough.
If one person yearns in a way the other cannot fulfill, there will be an unrelenting longing and chronic emptiness.
When one sacrifices so much for so long, the heart grows cold and the attitude can become one of anger, bitterness and resentment.
Sometimes we stay too long in relationships that have come to an end.
Sometimes we battle out our emotions to the point that we feel none.
Yet there comes a time to cease fire, drop your weapons and walk away. Battered and beaten. Wounded and bleeding.
When we continuously ask for what we need and don’t get it, it hurts. When the person becomes distant and quite cool in return, our hearts grow tired. When two people don’t communicate in a way that either understands, despite countless tries, the relationship may be broken – beyond repair.
Love has its seasons and in a solid, stable, trusting relationship where two people feel safe and understood, they can weather any storm. There will be autumns and winters, but there will be springs and summers. A strong relationship built upon respect, compassion, friendship and care will survive and grow even closer over time.
Troubles aren’t endings. Disagreements aren’t goodbyes. These are signs of inflammation and like our bodies, we need to discover what is causing it. We need to dig into the why to see if there can be a how.
But if you’re struggling in a relationship where the values, beliefs and wants are so misaligned that they cause nothing more than continual discord and upset, you may need to think twice.
And if you’re years into this heartache, it may be time to go.
Bickering doesn’t do anyone good. Continually asking for what someone can’t give is a burden on both people. It’s the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.
Yet when we love someone deeply, we want to desperately fix it. Make it better. And we don’t want to give up on that person or what we once had – and could have. We don’t want to let go of our dreams, in reality.
But some relationships need to end. For the sake of both people. You can love that person for who they are, but know that you can’t be with them any longer. You can want their happiness, but realize their happiness may entail a life without you.
For me, I’m guilty of wanting to arrive at a place of mutual understanding. Let’s talk something to death in an attempt to work it out. I want the other person to feel loved, heard and validated. I want the same in return.
And when that doesn’t happen, I want to beat the dead horse. Over and over again.
What I have learned is that sometimes there aren’t any happy endings. Sometimes two people don’t communicate in a mature, heathy, loving manner and there is hurt, bitterness and anger. Sometimes that never gets resolved.
I’m of the opinion that it doesn’t get resolved because one of the two parties doesn’t want it to. When in reality, maybe the other person is giving and communicating in the only way they know how.
When you reach the point of depletion, exhaustion and deep sadness, it may be time to let go. No matter what the ending. It just needs to stop.
Love may be what brought you together, but love is now the reason you should go.