When we hear the word criticism, it can evoke a number of feelings.
It may spark memories of a relative or friend who consistently belittled us, putting us down and criticizing everything we did. Nothing was ever good enough. We always felt less than and insecure, possibly stunting our potential because of someone else’s opinion – someone we liked, loved and respected.
It may bring to mind how we treat ourselves, the selves filled with doubt, fear and judgment. The selves that say we shouldn’t or we can’t. The selves who put their dreams on the chopping block, cutting them up rather than bringing them to life.
And if we are fortunate enough to have evolved and grown within this thing called life, we might be wise enough to dissect the layers of criticism – the critical parent who is well-intended, the critical self who is an insecure child and the critical foe who doesn’t want to see you succeed because they’re filled with their own doubts and fears.
“There’s none so blind, as those who will not see.
And those who lack the courage, say it’s dangerous to try.” – a slight modification to the lyrics of The Moody Blues song, “I know you’re out there somewhere.”
In real-life, the definition of criticism is multi-dimensional and not as straightforward as it’s defined in a dictionary. Real-world matters are rarely black and white when intelligence steps in. There’s a lot of gray and we need to evaluate, then define it.
We need to look at where the criticism is coming from and who is throwing it around – then decide if we want to take the ball and run with it, or fumble and move the heck on.
Some of us may struggle with this throughout our lifespan, and some of us may grow attuned to ourselves and in turn be quite perceptive when it comes to gauging others. This gives us the ability to see through the bulls@&$ and assess which criticism is just, fair and kind; and which is fraught with ridicule, jealousy or intimidation.
The just, fair and kind criticism is phrased as ‘constructive feedback’, dating back to a time before our woke culture came to be. This type of criticism can be useful and good, catapulting us into a better version of ourselves. It’s well-intended, and allows us to process then apply it as we see fit.
In between the ridicule, jealousy and intimidation are parents, family or friends who mean well, but fall short. They often project their own insecurities or beliefs onto us, working tirelessly to coerce us into seeing it their way – which may result in your putting your dreams on that chopping block. Stand tall, think hard and dig deep. You owe it to yourself to pursue your dreams – even if nothing goes as planned.
Failure? No such thing. A poor result is the catalyst to mapping out a new direction, if you’re committed. Believe in your mission, and you’ll find a way to make it successful.
Yet there are some people who will question your goals and criticize your approach. They will make every effort to bring you down, provoking self-doubt and causing you to halt your efforts. They either have nothing good to say, or find a subtle comment fueled with condescending elements to diffuse you.
Criticism: the good, the bad and the ugly – can you recognize the difference?
