We all have boundaries. Boundaries are defined as ‘a line that marks the limits of an area, a dividing line.’ And for those of us who say what we mean, mean what we say, others attempt at ‘good will’ may be politely rebuked – or, in extreme cases, outwardly refused – and inwardly bothersome.
Then we’re the bad guy, right?!
Some people mean well, they truly do. They believe that despite what is said, their acts of good will are sure to please – or sure to change your mind, convincing you that what you wanted, wasn’t what you wanted. “I’m not going to listen to you. I’m going to do what I think is best for you.”
And this is a very gray area. A fuzzy line to walk. For some, that may work. For others, not so much.
But when you tell others, “I’ll be there for you, whatever and whenever you need,” trust that. Crossing that line and insisting on doing what you think is good for them, may not be good for anyone. Some people want to be heard, do know what they want, and trust that others will respect that.
It’s a tough line to walk, I know. I want to help the world, and I’ve learned the hard way that some people want to be left alone.
This is when social skills come in. This is when we’re attuned to others vs. thinking we know what’s best for them – if it’s the latter, then it’s about us. Watch, listen, and learn – then make the best decision, a decision that is good for those you think need your help – not for you and what you think is best.
I recall spending a weekend with my family out in Pennsylvania. When helping out in the kitchen, I caught a glimpse of my great-aunt glaring at my actions, a blank stare on her face. I directly asked, “What am I doing wrong? How do you want this done? Help me, help you.” Her initial reaction was shock, as I called her out on her non-verbal behavior. Then, in her next breath, “I put the butter over there.” Victory! I was then able to help her in the way that she wanted. Yet if I hadn’t been bold, the weekend may have been a disaster!
If we all just sat back and listened, then observed, so much drama in life would be eliminated. When you disregard what others say, not so good. On the flip side, few are honest. Some may appreciate the subtle takeover. But for those who are busy minding their own business while you’re minding theirs ….
Boundaries are there to be respected – not crossed.
