So often we get frustrated with the words or actions of others. We grow impatient, want to take over, or want to fight them – meaning we know who they are and how they operate, yet we continually insist on trying to get them to see, or do it, our way.
What a challenge it is to manage our emotions, battling the urge to criticize or ridicule because, of course, our way is better. We know best.
Despite our best intentions, when we react or try to change that person, it results in friction and the potential for hurt feelings.
Yes there are times when we need to take control and lead the way, and as the saying goes – it’s not what we say, it’s how we say it.
I dealt with this tonight when I was worn down, tired, and just wanted to get done what needed to get done without help, questions, or selective hearing and blatant ignorance toward my requests. I knew what had to happen to fix what was broken and had a strategy as to what to test, how to test it, and hopefully fix the problem while making every effort to remain respectful, patient, and friendly in tone. It was exhausting and beyond difficult.
What I realized is the feedback wasn’t targeting me, it wasn’t conscious or even intentional. It was a means to control the process by someone who needs to feel in control at all times. A person who wants to have the answers, no matter what, whether right or wrong. And a person who thinks they’re the only one who can fix anything – and everything. Listen? No. Patience? None. Helpful? To a fault and lousy at taking direction. This is also a person who needs to be needed and is only guilty of craving respect and admiration. Someone who is fueled with insecurity.
As I was resisting, I realized how much easier and more efficient it would be if I just let go. If I afforded love to override determination. If I let go of my need to know what I know and accomplish the quick fix, but rather dig deeper to pull out my compassion card, without using a condescending tone, and realize that this person will never change – yet I could.
I could change the way I approached the situation. I could change my perspective. I could change the outcome without tension – if I just let go.
We can’t change people, even if we can influence, persuade, and teach them. What we can change is how we interact with them. Why fight battles we won’t win? If we truly want to get along, just let go and work with them, not against them.
It takes mindfulness, effort, and immense patience, yet it’s possible. So the next time you’re faced with this type of person, take a deep breath and don’t even try to change them.
