I read something that resonated with me last evening, and it tied to a relationship memory, shedding light on something I’d never been quite been able to put my finger on.
Most of us lead busy lives, and some of us choose to carve out time to relax among the chaos. People repeatedly tell me I do too much, that I need to slow down and relax. Yet what they don’t realize is that I do slow down and relax. Maybe not in the way that they do, but in my own unique way.
Relaxation has different meanings for different people. Some binge watch shows in the evening. Others take nature walks. Some shutdown after work to lay on the couch, others have outlets such as book club, writing, painting, or a sport of some kind.
But what is relaxation? And what does it mean for you?
I believe relaxation is a state of mind. It is how we expend, or conserve, our energy. It is what we choose to focus on, or disregard. Days, or nights, can be harried. We have much to do and many places to be. Maybe we have a family to care for or other responsibilities that seem to bury us under a cloud of stress because we are anxious about getting it all done. But do we have to get it all done? Is everything we are taking on adding, or detracting from our life and more importantly, our well-being?
My work days start early, are constructed around a tight schedule, and are deadline focused which equates to performing at a sometimes ridiculously high speed with constant pressure. How those days go depend on my mental state. If I was caught up in my head and stressed about how much was on my plate, I wouldn’t get much done. I’d feel busy, yet that feeling wouldn’t result in productivity. It would result in anxiety and subconscious procrastination – which would lead to more of the same and I would end up in a vicious cycle that would exhaust me.
Yet when we manage our time, focus our energy on priorities, and as the saying goes – don’t sweat the small stuff – we can end up with more energy, less stress, and allow ourselves to relax.
Relaxation is a state of mind. If we are caught up in our head, we are not relaxing – even if we’re walking in nature, attempting meditation, or lying on the couch. It’s our mental state that matters.
So what is relaxation? It’s taking some time after dinner before clearing the dishes and cleaning up. It’s luxuriating in unscheduled time, savoring your coffee while catching up on news or social media, not having to wake and jump right in the shower and dress. It’s not letting traffic stress us out, but using the time as an opportunity to slow down and look around, maybe make a game out of counting how many out of state license plates are on the highway with you or reading bumper stickers. It’s small rituals that have a big impact on our overall well-being – a night time cup of chamomile tea before bed, preparing for sleep by quieting your mind, a signal that the day is done.
Truth be told, I’m an only child so I am quite skilled at amusing myself and have no idea what boredom is nor do I have the need to be surrounded by people. Quite the contrary. I love solitude, I cherish deep connections with the few genuine people, and with each passing day find more and more ways to simplify my life. I can find relaxation and solitude in a room full of strangers, traveling down a busy highway, or maneuvering through life’s daily hassles.
If you find yourself struggling to relax, don’t fret. If it’s not natural for you yet you feel like you want, or need to, you can make it happen. It starts with mindfulness. Pay attention to what your mind, heart, and body are saying. There will be signs, little pokes from the universe pointing you in the direction that’s meant for you. You can cultivate the capability of relaxing.
