To all the men I’ve loved before. A note of gratitude.

Reflecting upon the males who have passed through my life, I feel a sense of gratitude and appreciation. 

A woman flying solo over the age of 50 can sometimes spiral into the depths of self-pity and despair because she has loved and lost – so many times. Often the questions posed to one’s self are – even if never vocalized – what am I doing wrong? Why do I always end up alone? Am I not lovable? Am I difficult? And the onslaught of personal incriminations ensue. We’ve rendered ourselves unworthy witches who don’t deserve love. We’ve looked at all the ways we could have changed or have behaved differently so that he – the many he’s – would have stayed.

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Self-destructive behavior, your check engine light.

As I sat eating my last cracker from the sleeve and contemplating the gelato in the fridge, I wondered what the heck was going on with me. Earlier I had a nice, hot bowl of buttered popcorn and half a box of cereal at some point before that. Again I asked the universe, what the heck was going on with me? I hadn’t binged on food since my 30s and I don’t consider an extra cookie or too much at holidays a binge. That’s just plain old overeating. But a binge is when you can’t get enough and you don’t stop until you feel sick. Then the only thing you can do is crawl into bed and sleep it off, like you would a few too many cocktails, because the purposeful mission of numbing one’s self with food puts you in a trance-like, exhausted physical state.

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I’m white. And I’m not apologizing for it.

In full disclosure, I am fearful to post this piece. I’m afraid of the potential backlash, the possible angry comments and having the intent of my message misconstrued. But buried within that fear lies the exact reason why I’m compelled to write this.

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The great human divide.

This may be a rambling, unstructured flow of thought so I place this statement as my disclaimer before I begin. I think we’ve all been thinking a lot about what is happening in our country – how could we not? There is so much going on – the global pandemic, racial discord, political outrage, and everyone is affected. But why is it that it seems anger, hate, biased views and disrespect for others has become the norm? Why is it that everyone seems to be compelled to not only share their opinions, but force their beliefs on others and insist that they agree and support them?

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Help me, help you. Working together.

It has always floored me how many people are ready to blame someone else when something goes wrong, deflect responsibility by making excuses and expect others to fix things for them – without being part of the solution. We are so quick to find fault, almost as if we are looking for flaws, and quick to complain. Data supports this. According to Convince and Convert, 92% of customers will call you out on poor customer service.* But how many of us actually make an effort to turn a negative situation around or better yet, praise someone when a job is well done?

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